mostly about me and the littlest one

Thank you for the words of encouragement on the chiropractic post. I have a half-finished draft somewhere about my experiences with chiropractic care and why it's so important to me, but it will have to wait for another time... along with all of the other half-finished drafts that are waiting for another time.

Ezekiel is continuing to do well after his chiropractic adjustments, although he was a bit fussy today and I know we'll need to make the journey again sometime this week. I am dreading it.

I've been still fighting that terrible mommy guilt ailment a lot. I'm trying to hone in on the things that I feel the worst about. Letting the kids stay in their pajamas until noon? Nah, that's not going to scar them. Not feeding them breakfast until they've been awake for a few hours? Yeah, probably need to stop letting that happen. Not getting everyone into bed until ten at night? Yeah, probably need to figure out how to change that too. Not that those thinsgs happen every day, but right now they do happen more than I want to admit.

I understand now why so many people say that three children is the tipping point. Because it IS the tipping point, that's why. Suddenly even the simplest things are incredibly difficult. Not always, but enough to keep a mama constantly on her toes, and thus still be totally emotionally exhausted even on the best and most beautiful of days.

Also, I need a maid. I seriously do not understand how one person - any one person = can be mother and teacher and maid and chef. It's unbelievable. I read books by mamas who seem to do everything and I kind of think they must be lying. Even though I know they're not.

But it's a good life that we have here. Rilla's imagination awes me. Abraham's is beginning to take off too and it's just amazing. I don't remember having such a vivid imagination as a child, or even one-tenth as vivid an imagination as does my Rilla girl. She just astounds me. She is always making up new scenarios, new people, new words, new songs, new names, new everything. She and Abraham play so well together and carry on the most remarkable conversations. They are usually quite considerate of one another and able to work through any disagreements on their own, and I really love that. Ezekiel is increasingly interested in them, and thus they are increasingly interested in him. It's great.

Zekie learned to give kisses today... big, wet, open-mouthed slobbery kisses on my cheeks. It makes him smile. He gives me a kiss, and I pull him away and smile. He smiles back. I kiss his cheeks and he smiles. Then he kisses me again. And it continues. I love it. I love him, this little chubby dumpling of a baby, with all his sweet leg rolls and wide blue eyes and kisses. He loves me too. Sometimes I just want to cuddle him all day long. And then there are days like today, when he doesn't really sleep all afternoon because his naps are constantly interrupted... by that knock at the door, or by me having to get up while nursing my babe to sleep so that I can tell the older ones to respect one another's space while eating, or whatever. And so now it's midnight and I am so tired but I must stay awake for a little while, anyway, just for the principle of the thing, just to have that little bit of space that I was thirsty for all day.

Of course it never tastes as good when I do get the space that I was wanting... somehow it is embracing the discipline of motherhood that tastes best, not trying to sidestep it when it feels uncomfortable... and so I am off to bed soon, to cuddle my little chubby bug while his daddy is away and we have the bed to ourselves.