on needing accountability

I have a dozen things to write about here and no time to do it. But I just want to jot down one.

Keith and I have been slooowly savoring our way through the Lord of the Rings trilogy for the last few weeks. Right now we're almost to the end of The Two Towers. It's my least favorite but also the best for me to watch. It always strikes me deeply, the ugliness of sin portrayed through the evilness of the ring and it's enticing, horrible power.

The thing which is striking me this time is the comparison between Frodo and Gollum. The thing is, the two of them are very much alike. Over and over again, Frodo nearly gives up the ring to Soron's minions; in the part we watched last night, he was raising the ring to give to one of the nazgul, but Sam races to run and knock Frodo down, to protect him.

What a picture of accountability!! By this point in the story, Frodo would have succumbed to the ring's power multiple times, had it not been for his good friend Sam. Poor Gollum, on the other hand, never had somebody to keep him from being completely wrapped up in evil (which we also saw happen again in last night's segment, when the wicked Gollum overtook hopeful Smeagle once more, after that whole scene by the Forbidden Pool).

It is hard to underestimate the sustaining power of having a good friend to keep you accountable, to encourage you to keep going, to even knock you down, if need be, to keep you from rushing headlong to some kind of stupid sin or another.

Wise king Solomon said something about this once:

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."

Ecclesiastes 2:9-12

And to take this all one step further in the personal application category: The hardest thing about the last five or six years is that with all of our moving, we have not been able to stay in one place long enough to have consistent friends who will be there and know us well enough to help us steer clear of folly or to knock us down when we stray too close to what may not be evil, but not beneficial. Not that we haven't had some great friends along the way, because we have, but it doesn't feel like we've had the kind of ongoing accountability in those relationships that we savored so much and benefitted from so greatly during the college years. In some ways, we are still worn down from this, and are discouraged by our own failures. We have often stumbled, both individually and together, and have often not had someone to steady us from falling or help us up if we took a tumble. It has made moving forward immensely more painful. It hurts to come to this position of leadership with wounds and failures. It is good to come to it humbly, I know. But it is also hard to come to this with Satan continuing to whisper to me hauntingly about my failures.

[Lest this sound too dark and make you think wow, what kind of sin is she wrapped up in, I am thinking about things like my tendency to waste time online, my lack of commitment to exercise and eat raw foods even though I know that's what the Lord has called me to, failing to get up early to spend time with the Lord, that kind of stuff. Not things that are blatantly wicked, but definitely things that keep me from moving into all that the Lord has for me.]

Yet I am grateful, immensely grateful, grateful beyond words, to have Keith as my husband. I read a blog post recently [this one, you should read it, especially if you're single] that reminded me what a difference it makes to be married to a good man. He does pick me up when I fall. He does protect me. He does lead me, and he is absolutely my best friend. And I think it would be safe to say that even though I've always valued having excellent friendships, the kind that spur you on to greater love and good deeds, I might have thought for a while, during the time of not having enough friends close by, that maybe we didn't need them so much, that maybe having each other was enough.

But there is much value in those other friendships too. Because sometimes it is just best if your husband is not the one to keep you accountable to, say, eating smaller portion sizes.

So anyway, the need for close friendships is what I'm mulling over right now. And I'm realizing the need to make myself accountable to others, and to find and forge forward with those friendships here... not far away... which will be life-giving and life-sustaining.

It is hard. I am shy. This move to Iowa is a big change in a lot of ways. I'm somewhat in shock from the move... I didn't think I would be, but I am. I feel homesick. I miss our friends. I miss our families. Everything is good here, really good, we really love it, but I feel like a little tree that has been uprooted again and my roots really need to dig in and drink up but they are just feeling a little shocked here, may need a little extra fertilizer or something to weather the transplant in a healthy way.

We'd sure appreciate your ongoing prayers as we get settled in here this summer.