writing

I've been yearning to write lately.

I have felt it building over the last several months, even from before Caleb's birth. And it seemed crazy to me, because this seems like a terrible time to suddenly want to write more again. I haven't been blogging much in the last few years, and hardly at all in the last year, and I haven't been doing other kinds of writing either. Not even journaling. Yet it seems like there is sort of a fullness of time thing happening. I have a few books that want to be written and keep circling through my head. There are motherhood things that I want to share, maybe to a broader audience than I've done before. I'm not sure yet. But I do just want to begin to cultivate the discipline of writing a little bit each day. Not when the laundry is all done and put away or when the house is looking good. I've been waiting for that for much too long and I think I'm ready to stop letting that block me. Because on the rare occasions when everything is all great and organized here, that's not when I want to write! That's when I want to spend time with my husband or my kids. So I've got to find a way to write when the writing needs to happen.

I've been missing writing. A lot. And in a way it is good to get to that place. I've been missing exercise, too. And hiking. It is refreshing to find myself in that place of longing to make healthier choices, longing to choose these things.

Caleb is sleeping well at night and the difference that it makes to have him sleeping well is phenomenal. My house is still a disaster, truly, and I still spend a lot of time holding my sweet baby. But we are finding our new normal emotionally, and I expect the material realities and rhythms will come along with that eventually. As they do, I want to learn to carve out time to write.