foggy morning thoughts

It's 6:18 am on a Saturday morning and I'm awake.

Impressed? Don't be. I fell asleep while putting the kids to bed at some time much too close to midnight and woke up in Abe's bed at 2:30. I made myself some chamomile tea, settled into a book, texted back and forth with Keith for a while, and then couldn't fall back asleep. Not because of the book, although it's a good one, but because of some sort of sinus infection that has appeared in my head in the last ten hours. Ugh. Every time I put my head down again, the pressure increases until it's unbearable. Plus I spent some time googling cheap but good (hint, there aren't any) family photographers on my phone and wondering if it's too late to get a few professional photos taken this fall. And then after that I had the brilliant idea of scrolling through the fall family photos of strangers on the internet who have perfect hair, teeth, flat stomachs, and of course, gorgeous clothes.

So, I'm up.

Last night at bedtime... okay, it was past bedtime... it was a long day that included visiting Keith's parents, horse riding, and going to the African Children's Choir in Spokane... and after we were finally home and had eaten and Keith had left for work and the kids were ready for bed, Priscilla was running through the kitchen wearing her new wool socks. I was mid-sentence in saying, "Okay, Rilla, I want you to go..." BAM! "... climb into bed now." She slipped on her socks and fell against the metal floor divider thing between the kitchen linoleum and living room carpet, and it scraped her knee wide open. It's the worst wound she's ever had. I cleaned it up quite well, I think, using soap and water and more soap and more water and more soap and more water and then peroxide and then triple antibiotic ointment and then a band-aid and some sterile wrap. I'm quite pleased about being able to find all of that stuff, actually, although it did take me quite a while, because our new home is still largely a disaster since moving in two months ago, and for a few minutes I was not sure I'd be able to find anything to get her wound clean. I called Keith, who took the minivan to work tonight, and of course our normal first-aid kit, the one we have never used, was in the minivan, and Keith was halfway to Kennewick in his freight truck. Ugh.

But I got it cleaned up and all the kids got to bed eventually.

I suppose this is a crazy mess of details after not posting anything on this blog for three months. But that is what our life is right now, just a crazy mess of complicated details that it takes so long to even begin to explain to anyone that nobody really bothers to ask anymore, let alone want to get involved or journey with us through the pain and heartbreak of this horrible year.

Well, that is probably unfair, that last bit. We do have friends who love us and pray for us. But it is hard to start over in a new community again, with no local church family again. It is hard to be a visitor in a church and it is hard to start trying to discern if a certain church is the right place for us to attend or if it even matters.

It is hard to have Keith working all night and sleeping all day. I miss him, and Fridays and Saturdays are the worst, because we have time together on Sunday and Monday and so usually the first several days of the week are okay, because we're charged up from getting to spend time together, but by Friday, I've hardly seen him, just a few minutes at a time when he wakes up in the late afternoon and I help him get coffee and some snacks or dinner or whatever before he goes to his night class or leaves for work. Saturdays are the hardest of all because I miss him so much, and he is finally home, really done with work for the week, but of course after working all night, he sleeps most of the day, and so I hang around trying to find something to do and not act/feel super desperate and burned-out from feeling so alone in this parenting and handling life stuff.

I am usually quite cranky by the time he wakes up on Saturday. I am working on going out and doing busy things on Fridays with the kids though, so I don't feel so much like life is passing me by on Saturday, and can instead be thankful for a day of lazing around on Saturday... which I am sure will be the case today, since I am still awake and it is 6:43.