first steps

You took your first steps today, sweet Zekie boy!

I was holding you and walking down the hallway to the living room and thinking about your birthday party this coming Saturday. I was thinking about when you would take your first steps and thought maybe it would be this weekend, and maybe they would be to your grandma, and how happy that would make her. I was thinking about it rather wistfully, feeling like maybe I would miss that first moment somehow.

I set you down so that you were standing on your feet and leaning against the couch. You gave me a happy smile and a cute little funny knowing look and cruised the length of the couch, holding on like you always do. Then you turned and rushed back to me, still standing up and holding on all the way. I was a few feet away from the end of the couch. You had such a knowing look that I consciously wondered why you looked at me like that! Then you let go and walked a few wobbly steps to me!! I was so excited!! I snuggled you tightly and we laughed together and I was so blissfully happy to get to enjoy that sweet moment with you.

I set you back by the couch again, holding on and standing up, and you walked to me again!! We repeated it over and over and each time I would snuggle you and smile with you and say, “Yay, Ezekiel!” and you were so happy and pleased with yourself. Rilla was reading a book in the corner chair and Abraham was eating a snack at the table and they turned and smiled too and said, "Good job, Ezekiel!" but they were not nearly as happy as I was.

It was just one of those wonderful mommy moments to savor and remember forever. I held you closely and thought how pleased you were to walk into my arms, and how you gave yourself up freely to my happy coos and snuggles of delight, and how you didn't know that this was a little baby step of independence away from me, even as you walked toward me. But I knew and I couldn't help choking up a little bit, with the sunlight streaming in and the children gathered close around, and you taking those little big steps away from infancy and my arms.

When your daddy got home this evening, you had just woken up from your nap. I had you stand at the coffee table and then opened my arms so you could walk to me. You did! With a wide smile and your happy blue eyes, you walked to me and welcomed my joyful cuddles. Then Daddy came over and I turned you around and you took your cute, wobbly steps to him too! Completely trusting and completely happy. And you walked back and forth between us for several minutes. It was so great! So precious and wonderful.

You will be one year old in one week, dear Ezekiel. I kind of wish you would stay this age forever. After all the hard stuff of the last year - your scary birth, the neck pain and of your first three months, moving, your immense pain and discomfort from gluten intolerance for a few months, and then moving again - now, on the other side of all that, the last few months have been blissful as we have just been enjoying each other like never before. I love you so much and enjoy you so much, my dear sweet boy.

Today you signed "ball!" with great enthusiasm when I brought the ball in the room. I love that you are growing up and learning so well and so attentive to all that is going on around you. I love that you are quick to learn but patient and I love how you don't cry or make a big deal out of little ouchies. I love leaning you up against the window so we can look outside and admire cars and trucks and buses and birds and dogs and children. I love how much you adore your books and how you will sit and read them for twenty minutes on end, all by yourself. I love how you are saying "truck" now and are drawn, boy-like, to things with wheels. I love how excited you are to see your sister and brother when they or you wake up from a nap. I love how much you love baths and I feel like I am still figuring you out, still getting to know you. But I do know this... I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really like you, little one.

I'm so glad you are my son. I know it's best that you don't stay one week short of one year old forever. But I love you so completely at this age, dear one. And so because of that, I know that I will always love you at every age, and treasure you so much too.

Happy first steps day, baby boy.