nail polish and femininity

"Mommy, sometime can we go over there so I can get my fingernails painted?"

The question came from Priscilla, sitting behind me in the minivan while we were parked at the grocery store. Keith had run inside the store to pick up something for small group and Rilla was eyeing the sign for the nail and hair salon next door with great interest.

Surprised, I asked, "Rilla, do you want to have your fingernails painted?"

"YES!!" she responded enthusiastically.

I refrained from expressing panicked thoughts about her only being three years old and how the smell of nail polish makes me want to pass out and instead said something kind and encouraging like, "Okay, darling, we will get your nails painted sometime."

She was satisfied for the moment, blissfully unaware that she'd set off a volley of rapid-fire thoughts about appropriate expressions of femininity in my mind that wouldn't finish echoing for weeks. The toxicity of nail polish is a concern to me too, but it was really the questions about when it is appropriate for little girls to wear nail polish that had me thinking.

See, I grew up in a home where femininity was discouraged. Not just not encouraged, but outright discouraged. My mom was a carpenter and a single mom for many years, and she was never into girly things like dresses or nail polish or makeup. My growing interest in feminine things... from nail polish at Rilla's age to shaving my legs in the preteen years... was strongly discouraged. When I reached high school and began plucking my eyebrows, wearing makeup, and curling my hair, she mocked me for these choices. Although I have learned to decide for myself what I think is an appropriate amount of outward femininity, I still struggle to apply it, because there is always a disapproving voice telling me that it is vain and selfish to care a whit about my appearance.

I have gradually realized that my own preferences for how much outward adornment to wear rather bely my appearance. I wear sweaters and jeans, and every now and then I might wear a necklace or a bracelet. But I secretly hanker after crazy-cool hairstyles, delicately intricate tattoos, beautiful dangly earrings, a nose stud, gorgeous make-up, spiky red high heels, and the newest fashion trends in clothing. What keeps me from trying these things? Well, lack of money does, and so does the voice that told me for all of my growing up years that it was all really ridiculous and that I should not like or want to seek after those things. And so in a culture that swirls with exciting new fashion statements every minute, I am still slowly, tentatively discovering my own preferences and deciding how much I find it worthwhile to embrace.

Rilla's request to wear nail polish surprised me because I realized that not only do my decisions in the present on things such as how I dress, how I do my hair, and whether I wear make-up all impact my daughter's perspective on womanhood and how she will dress and adorn herself as an adult, but I am also now reaching that phase when I am actively speaking with her about what is okay for little girls to wear and at what age. I have long considered this question as to things like modesty and of course I know that it is the inner person that matters more than the outward, but still, there are outward considerations to discuss. And I hadn't really considered before these questions such as whether she could wear nail polish at age three or when she could get her ears pierced (a question that followed a few days after the nail polish one!).

So, after a great deal of talking, praying, and considering about the nail polish question (as well as some research into non-toxic nail polish options), we decided that it was appropriate and worthwhile to buy some expensive non-toxic nail polish for our little girl. An added bonus to the whole thing is that I have been trying to think of a way to have special, at-home dates with my Rilla-girl, and this will work quite well for that as a special mommy-daughter thing.

Thus, a few days ago, while her brothers were napping, I gave Rilla a special gift bag with purple butterflies on it. At first, she pulled out the nail polish bottles without recognizing what they were. Then her eyes lit up and she positively glowed for the next hour while we had our very first ever nail-polish date. I had ordered three colors of super-duper non-toxic nail polish that I thought were sure to please her... Cherry Pie (red), Sugar Plum (purple), and Cotton Candy (pink). She chose pink for her fingernails and purple for her toenails. We did base coats and color coats and top coats. And then she insisted on painting mine too (!) and so now I have purple fingernails, with a promise to let her paint my toenails pink on our next nail polish date. They are not perfectly done but to be honest, I have always been fairly terrible at applying nail polish evenly, so she is probably doing me a favor by painting my nails for me.

I'm excited about this. Still a bit surprised, because it is a whole new phase of womanhood for me... teaching a little bit of girliness or femininity or outward adornment or whatever you want to call it to the next generation... and also because it's fun, and I'm rather happy to have an excuse to paint my fingernails.

(And just for the record... in case it's not obvious... this is not my comprehensive perspective on all things femininity... nor am I judging anyone with a different perspective on anything I might have mentioned in here that may or may not be controversial... these are just some thoughts that were stirred up by thinking about nail polish and such.)