almost halfway there

I kept lengthy online pregnancy journals throughout my pregnancies with Rilla and Abraham. Although I have occasionally had a thought or two that I wanted to write down for this little one, I am opting not to do the online thing this time. I have an ongoing pen-and-ink pregnancy journal that I kept through my other three pregnancies, and so I write in that occasionally. And I have ongoing typed journals for my little ones, so I am writing in a new one for our new baby occasionally too. But really my desire before this baby is born is to catch up on about seven years worth of photo albums, particularly finishing the baby books for Rilla and Abraham (I'm close... really... it's not a pressure thing for me... I love doing baby books) so that I will be able to write stuff for this little one after he or she is born. So the whole details of pregnancy stuff will probably not be all that extensive this time.

If I were to jot down a few things to share, though, here's what I would include:

• I think we're having a girl.
• My belly button popped out the day before we took the pregnancy test. Talk about showing early. I started wearing maternity pants at like seven weeks pregnant.
• We haven't decided whether we will find out the gender.
• Having crazy, vivid, epic, stupid dreams. All the time.
• Not a lot of cravings, although there was the telltale craving for seafood and beer at the very beginning, before I found out I was pregnant. (Have craved the same things in other pregnancies.)
• Am currently measuring at 19 weeks. My guess was that I'd be at about 15 weeks right now. We will get a more accurate estimate of my due date when we have our diagnostic ultrasound next month. This is the first pregnancy during which we have been so clueless about when the baby happened. Telling people that we are due "sometime in March" is still holding accurate, although the estimate has moved from the end to the middle to the beginning.
• Neither of us had a preference for our children's genders in previous pregnancies. Partially that may be that I have had such strong suspicions about their genders (and have been right). This time, I suspect we are having a girl, but I also find that I might rather have a girl, primarily because I think every woman should have a sister. Rilla and this sibling will be a bit more than three years apart, which seems close enough to be close at heart but not so close as to fight much? I don't know, that's just my theory. But of course having another little boy would be lovely too. I'm sure we will have both eventually, it's just the order that I am curious to see.
• I am finally learning to go to bed early. And I am still so, so tired. SO tired.
• Rilla is excited about her little sibling and has made some predictions. One day she said out of nowhere, "When the baby comes out, she will have a freckle on her cheek, and you will be able to see it." Prophetess? We'll see!
• My inner hip joints are killing me. Some days. Some days, they're not so bad.
• Even though I'm planning another home birth, I'm researching everything all over again. I am seriously in such a fog that I can't remember my reasons, and am needing to find reassurance and peace about our decision for this birth. I think we will establish contact and have a few appointments with a local doctor ahead of time, just so we have somebody familiar with this pregnancy in case we end up needing to transfer. There's no real reason to think we'll need to... but I am just feeling like that would be a good idea.
• I'm having a hard time eating enough. Food doesn't appeal to me.
• I've suspected that I have felt movement a few times, but my placenta seems to be in front... boo. I like feeling the baby move, and it may not happen as often this time.
• One of my first thoughts when I realized I was probably pregnant was "all right, we can get a minivan!" (And if you don't know why that would be so exciting, well, try fitting two adults, two toddlers, two big carseats, a stroller, and a few hundred dollars worth of groceries into a Camry sometime.) But finances being what they are... and as we will be paying for this birth ourselves... it looks like we are going to just have to cram one more carseat into our Camry for a while. But I think of how few of the world's moms are so privileged as to have access to good prenatal care... to be able to stay home with their families and to nourish them so well... to have their own vehicles just for their own convenience... and when I remember those things, the minor discomfort of being in a small vehicle is really not worth mentioning.

Here is a picture of me from last Sunday. At the time, I was pretty sure that my red rainboots looked good with my skirt. Now I am not so convinced. Don't you love it when you realize that after you already wore something? Oh well.

about eighteen weeks