a sleep post

I noticed that the post about Rilla's changed sleeping habits has moved up to one my most-viewed posts, so I guess I should follow up on that. Thanks for the suggestions and input!

I allowed myself some time to figure out what was causing the sleep struggles. Was it just that she was older and didn't need a nap anymore? Was it sensitivity and restlessness caused by Keith suddenly being away most of the time, after months of having been home with us? Was it just that she was at the phase of toddlerhood when she discovered that with the right excuse, she could get away with getting out of bed at whim?

I feel that it is kind of a combination of the last two things. I thought that perhaps she needed a nap later in the day, but I've discovered that pushing it until later makes her overtired, which makes it even harder to fall asleep. So I took Missy's advice about giving Rilla energetic play time and a quick snack before her naptime, and now Rilla is back to taking her nap at precisely 11:30 am just like she has for, oh, probably a year at least. That's just the time that works for her.

The extra playtime is helping her fall asleep better, but I think the main cause was that she is entering a bit of a sensitive period. I don't think it's really the type of thing you can tell casually, but she's considering things a bit more deeply, weighing them out more, that kind of thing. Examples of this have been conversations in which she remembers how she chose to give up her pacifier, and how she misses it a little bit, even though that was nearly six months ago and she has rarely spoken of it since then. Potty training regression has also been significant. I think this is related also to struggling with Keith being gone so much, and having a hard time reconnecting with him when he is home.

So my course of action has been kind of like this. For a few weeks, because she asked me to and because I trust her, I held her to sleep at almost every naptime and bedtime. That hasn't happened since before Abraham was born, that I can remember, but I really think she just needed the extra cuddles and additional security. When I did that, she wasn't getting up to check on things. Then it got to the point when she and Abraham would both still be awake at like 10:00 pm, because they kept disturbing each other when I was trying to hold one or the other to sleep (Keith, of course, being in bed long ago) and that was just plain ridiculous. I was pretty much at the edge of my sanity. So one day I explained that she would have to lay in her bed and go to sleep the way she used to, although I didn't phrase it like that. She even seemed a bit relieved... probably she was tired from staying up too late!... and it totally worked. So now we are back to the smooth routine of bedtime story, singing and rocking, laying her in her bed, praying together, saying a Bible verse, that kind of thing. But she does occasionally ask for me to hold her to sleep in bed, and there are other times when she will pop up with the typical toddler tactic for delaying bedtime.

So the discipline thing has come into it as well. She always asks to have her door a little bit open when she is falling asleep, so I will do that, but if she gets up, then she loses the privilege of having it open. I help her with whatever the need is the first time... tonight it was a jagged toenail, which in all honesty would have bothered me tremendously if it was on my own foot, so I helped her with it. But really she was needing extra cuddles again, so I went in and laid down with her for just a couple of minutes. She would have liked me to hold her to sleep, but I explained that I needed to spend time with Daddy tonight too. But I sense that she really did need some extra cuddles, and I'm regretting that I didn't hold her longer, so I will try to make sure she gets that extra cuddle time in the morning.

Anyway, that's kind of how it's going. Oh, and another help for daytime naps has been taking the thick blanket off of our bed to cover her window. She has blackout curtains, but they're from our last house and significantly too short (and I am reluctant to buy new curtains for yet another rental), and this thick blanket works much better anyway. It does mean I remake our bed three times a day, but oh well, she goes right to sleep as soon as I put it up in her room.

So I'm satisfied with where Rilla's sleep schedule is at now. Abraham naps at 10:30 am, at which time Rilla and I have an hour together of playing, reading, washing dishes, etc until we cuddle and read stories. Then she falls asleep at 11:30ish. Then I get - oh bliss! the first time this has happened since having two children - an hour to myself. Abraham wakes up at 12:30, and then we have an hour alone together until Rilla wakes up. I really like it this way... I'm hoping so much that it can hold for a while... I love having time alone with each little one, as well as a little time by myself.

But this week the issue has been Abraham's sleeping schedule. And that's a whole separate post. One that I am probably not going to write, because I just won't get to it, but suffice to say that it has been frustrating and utterly exhausting. I think we're making progress, though.

Sometimes I feel ridiculous for writing such lengthy posts about things which are so specific and so particular to our own situation. It's probably why I have so few readers. But for me, this is a part of purposeful parenting. This sleep situation has been a big hurdle, but it is already fading into the background of past victories. It is one of those things that would soon be irrelevant, but that it is one more brick mortared into the relationship that I am building with my little girl. One more time when I choose to find the way that works best for us, choose to be sensitive to her needs but also consistent with appropriate discipline. One more time in which I hope that she will see in me, somehow, the love and patience and compassion of a Father who loves her completely, whose patience never tires, and whose compassion never ends.